Welcome!

How’s your love life? Hi...welcome to my website. For years I have worked with singles of all ages, especially the separated and divorced, and those who struggle with the issues of remarriage and blended families. Everyone I talk with longs for a love that truly satisfies, but most of us don't know how to find it.  In fact, our culture keeps lying to us about where to get this love; as a result in the last forty years there is more anxiety, fear, loneliness, depression, suicide, divorce, drug use, addictions, abortions, pornography, cohabitation, fear of commitment and delayed maturity. When will we wake up?! I've ministered to so many wounded, so many brokenhearted and bitter as lonely singles or in divorced, separated and step families. I, too, have chased "love" down dark streets and into empty corners, and have suffered the heartache of counterfeit loves, and of losing love through death and divorce.  Through a sheer gift of grace I discovered many treasures in the lives of saints and most recently in Pope John Paul II's profound biblical study on erotic love, marriage, and the very meaning of life itself, Man and Women He Created Them: A  Theology of the Body.  I found that romance, sex, and marriage are not ends in themselves but are meant to to point us to the Love that never fails.  In fact, I long to give others the same hope in what many before me have called Bridal Theology, which I most frequently share in my talks, including the "Seven Stages of Divine Romance".

Beware, though . . . trying to find true love without embracing God is an utter waste of time. Modernism, a belief that God really has nothing to do with the daily details of our lives, flourishes all around us. That spirituality is irrational, impractical and for the weak is another common lie. Those who profess this and who reject a deep, sweet surrender to God have simple chosen to reject Love. I hate to admit it, but "Non serviam" was my motto for a long time, and it may echo in your heart as it still echoes in the hearts of millions today.  So if you're closed to the idea of integrating a deep and authentic Christ-centered spirituality with the rest of your life, and finding unfailing love in the process, so be it. For the rest of you, please read on.

What is Bridal Theology? Like BIO-logy is the study of the body, THEO-logy is the study of God. It is in our hearts to seek God out and to know him, and He has given us specific ways to find him.  Bridal Theology, in a simple sense, is the discovery of something (profound!) of God and his relationship to us through what we know about brides and grooms, love and romance, sex and marriage.  Some people have trouble seeing God as a loving father if theirs was not loving; because of woundedness, ignorance or plain indifference, others might struggle with the many images of God He himself revealed (master, judge, nurturer, provider, vine, shepherd, etal), each of which are still significant. But what is it today that seems everyone is pursuing in some way or another? Love, romance and sex.  When I grew up with great romantic notions, longing only for a husband, home and children, that was the "soft spot" in my heart where God could reveal some of his truest nature to me and mostly deeply win my heart.  I believe that others who understand romantic and sexual longings can also spiritually benefit from Bridal Theology. Not from rejecting the world's warped versions of love, sex and romance, but in redeeming them.

Where does Bridal Theology come from? It comes from God, who--by the way--has revealed himself in relation to us as the masculine father and husband, despite feminine virtues and strengths which are reflections of him as well.  Remember he is perfect unity, and everthing that is good is from and of him. Bridal Theology begins with seeing God as a “marriage” of sorts, revealing Himself as the Trinitarian "family", a loving communion of the Father and Son, who so love each other so intensely and so powerfully that the very love between them is the third person of the Trinity, the Holy Spirit. Three Persons who are completely One in perfect endless Love. And not surprisingly, God also reveals Himself in Scripture as our loving spouse. To the oft-unfaithful “Bride”, the Israelites, He was their Husband (Hos 2:18); Christ comes to us as the Bridegroom (Eph 5:32); Heaven is an eternal wedding feast (Rev 19:7-9). Get the picture? Saints of old tell us the highest level of union with God is like a mystical marriage. Seeing ourselves as Bride in relation to God may be easy for most women, but some, especallly men, may resist this bridal imagery.

Why do some resist Bridal Theology? In our human fallenness we tend to imbalance, picking a "side" where we feel comfortable and pushing away the other.  Being a "bride" in relation to God is clearly feminine. What about the masculine? Too often we think that if we allow ourselves to share in the thinking or feeling of the opposite sex, where we can not only develop balance but understand something beautful about God, we will somehow lose or abandon ourselves. If you are a man, God created you to be a man and to share in the husbandly and fatherly joys of being His creation. A woman was created to share in the wifely and motherly joys. Both, however, are called to communion with each other to know, love and embrace the other's gifts and qualities without losing their own. It may be difficult, but with grace it is possible.

What does Bridal Theology say about Christ? The good in both femininity and masculinity is a reflection of some of the perfections of God, although He is neither male or female.  One without the other is out of balance and excludes certain necessary and beautiful reflections of God's goodness.  Jesus embodies the perfect balance: he ripped through the temple with the money changers, stood head up to the Pharisees and rebuked sinners, and took charge with those who followed Him. Clearly what we would label as strong masculine virtues. But He also wept with tenderness, maternally longed for people "like a mother hen ", and quietly surrendered Himself to be led to His death, revealing the more feminine and "gentle Jesus" we have too much and too often overemphasized.  How often we want motherly Jesus and not hard, tough Jesus.  Sorry folks, but He is both. Despite this "interior marriage" of all that is good about masculine and feminine, Jesus came as a man, who alone can "husband" his bride the church and "father" those born of her.

How can Bridal Theology help with our own interior marriage? When we experience hurt or rejection by one of the sexes, we can fall into fear, resentment or avoidance of masculinity or femininity, in ourselves or others. Some in the church have sissified Christ, painting Him as overly feminine, and along those lines have also overemphasized feeling over thinking.  That can make anyone who values God's gift of masculinity want to puke.  Just as the macho, brutish overemphasis on masculinity can harden human hearts, the lack of masculine in an overly- feminized culture...or church...can keep us soft, weak and sucking our thumbs. But just think, all of us are called to have a balance of masculine and feminine virtues at some level, to be soft but not wimpy, to be bold but not overbearing. Can we agree that both sexes are called to live their lives not only as Bride but as the masculine Warrior? God calls us each to the "masculine” virtues, to fight the good fight (Tim 6:12), and put on the full armor of God (Eph 6:10-18).  Perhaps we can even see that each of us is called to an interior marriage, a balanced life, of both masculine and feminine dimensions.

What problems can arise with Bridal Theology? The same as with other relationship imagery that Gods has given us: going to extreme and not considering the bigger picture. When we see God as "Father", we can erroneously settle into an irresponsible life of expecting God take care of things he wants us to do and remaining emotionally and spiritually immature. When we see God as "Master" we can forget that He lovingly provides and we can resist and become resentful of his authority over us. In each case, we tend to see only one side and our view becomes warped.  With the spousal analogy we can use this imagery to suit our own selfish desires; we can twist it to feed our lusts.  Bridal Theology, not properly understood or rightly lived, can be a disaster. When that happens, we should not reject the image, we should redeem it.  Everything God gave us, including images of His love for us, is helpful and even necessary for our salvation!

Why do some men just hate this image? Many husbands, who try hard to be a good spouse, resent their dissatisfied wives running to Christ as their "Bridegroom", and rightly so. Too often women can reduce God to a spiritual boyfriend or lover when the men in their lives fail them. And in that case, it can become a using of that image of God to be...in a certain sense... "unfaithful" to a real, flesh and blood husband.  Single people who can't handle intimacy can hide here, too. Although He has given us familiar images with which to begin to know him, the God of the universe who created all from nothing, can never be so simply reduced to a personal lover! It can feed the emotions to focus on the "romance" with Jesus, but we can forget that authentic spousal union with him means loving others sacrificially. It means going to the cross: loving a husband or wife even when it is hard as hell and is the last thing you want to do! Suffering for the good of the other is the ultimate act of love; any romantic image that fails to embrace crucifixion is a clever and eventually deadly counterfeit.

Why should everyone embrace this image? God gave us many such images, but the spousal analogy appears in Scripture more times than any other. The Bible begins and ends with the bridal image and is filled with it throughout. For Petes' sake, if God gave it to  us so many times, we'd be pretty hard-hearted, stubborn, and--as God said--"stiff-necked" to toss it out, ridicule, or attack it.  If use of words such as "passion", "romance", "satifaction", and images such as God's "penetrating love" bother you, it's because our world has divoced EROS (tastable, touchable, human love) from AGAPE (God's love). Without authentic, sacrificial love everything erotic (and even romantic) has become tainted with self pleasure at the expense of others.  Bridal theology helps us to see how agape can be infused back into eros. Let's not throw those beautiful words and images out... let's redeem them!

The spousal imagery is also one God used with His whole people, and it is at once both personal and communal. Yes, we are each called into a spiritual union with Christ as a Bride, but we are also inseparably united with the whole church as Bride. Our love for him must be lived out through and with others.  Women, learn from Scripture's warrior imagery: be strong and bold and fight the good fight to the very end.  Men, be tender hearted, receptive and open your heart to God's love as a Bride opens herself to Her Groom.  Our faith is one where God wants to “marry us”…he wants to woo us, wed us, and fill us with a love that truly satisfies.

What does truly satisfying love look like? Love is not a something, it is a somebody, and His name is Jesus. The Second Vatican Council reminded all faithful Christians that it is Christ who perfectly reveals what it means to be human, for He is True God and TRUE MAN. Not a man felled by sin, but a Human as humans were always intended to be. If we look to Jesus, we can see how to love each other as men and women ought. Through him, with him, and in him, through the power of his Holy Spirit, you can learn to love as God loves.

But just how does God love? It is Christ who shows us, and Pope John Paul II gives us an easy-to-remember, short-list in his profound work, Theology of the Body. Real love, the kind that satisfies, is FREE, not tied into any agenda or moved by fear or selfishness. Christ said that no one took His life, He laid it down freely for us. It is FULL, nothing held back, even to point of being completely emptied out and nailed to a cross... even in the daily details of life. Jesus came to give us life “to the full”. It is FAITHFUL, geared only to the highest good of the other, protecting them in every way and desiring above all else their holiness, even if it means suffering for yourself. Our Lord reminds us He will never leave us or forsake us in ANY way. Real love must also be FRUITFUL, open to the gift of new life. Jesus said “I am the Way, the Truth and the Life . . .” This kind of love is the only love that truly images the love Christ has for His Bride, the Church.

How can I get this love? Well, you don’t really get love, like you’d go get a new car or a roast for dinner. You receive love. Love is a gift from another, where they give and you open yourself to receive (not grasp!). Mary--whom Scripture tells us will be called "Blessed" by every generation--is our “Super Model” since she models so perfectly for us the love of the Bride for her Spouse in her feminine receptivity, her complete openness. When she said “Yes” to the invitation by the Holy Spirit she received—and even conceived in her own body—Perfect Love. Like Mary, all we have to do is say “Yes” to God each day and we will find that for which our hearts so desperately long. We will find ourselves united and filled to overflowing with LOVE that we are to bear forth to the world. Ask her to show you more of, and take you closer to, her Son . . . and she will.

Where do I get daily help? If you say “Yes” to Christ, the Head, you must also say “Yes” to His Body, the Church. Sorry, no Just-Me-N-Jesus here. It’s utterly ridiculous to think you can separate the Head from the Body. Through the Catholic Church Christ established—and gifted with grace, power and authority in His name—we find the fullness of what He wants to give us. Yeah, the Church is scarred, and sometimes walks with a limp, but she is His and He loves her and so should we. Like a father who leaves for a little while, He left us with her . . . and guess what? She has his checkbook and car keys! Don’t be a “Cafeteria Catholic” like I was for so many years and reject your Mother. What a proud and arrogant move that is! Be smart and come home, and don’t just sleep on the sofa every once in awhile and visit for Sunday dinner. Live as part of the family, in unity, making full use of the sacramental gifts you have been given at baptism. Your room is waiting for you.

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